“The one who loves his life [eventually] loses it [through death], but the one who hates his life in this world [and is concerned with pleasing God] will keep it for life eternal.”
Some of the things we fight hardest to hold onto are the very things quietly destroying us.
Jesus said, “The one who loves his life loses it…” (John 12:25 AMP). He wasn’t condemning life itself — He was confronting our deep attachment to this life: the one built around self-preservation and worldly striving. The life built on comfort, control, image, status, money, and performance. The life that looks alive on the outside… but is spiritually bankrupt on the inside.
This is the life the world rewards — and the flesh clings to. It promises happiness but never delivers peace. It gives just enough success to keep you chasing more, but not enough wholeness to make you free.
Jesus knew how dangerous it is to build your identity on something that cannot last. That’s why He said the one who “loves his life in this world” will eventually lose it — not because God takes it away, but because it was never built to endure. When you love the false life more than the true one, you lose both.
And make no mistake: this isn’t just about physical death. It’s about the death of the flesh — the false self. The one that hustles for worth, defends its image at all costs, avoids weakness, and resists surrender. It’s the self that builds an entire life on the foundation of fear — only to discover, usually in pain, that none of it can save you.
But here’s the good news:
God doesn’t just ask you to lay down the life you’ve built — He offers something better in its place: Himself. And in Him, you’ll find the peace, identity, security, and love the world could never give you, no matter how hard you chased it.
This is where surrender begins. Not in fear… but in freedom.
Scripture reveals a sharp and holy contrast — not between good and evil in the obvious sense, but between two mindsets. Two operating systems. Two sources of identity. One rooted in the flesh. The other led by the Spirit.
“For those who are living according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh [which gratify the body], but those who are living according to the Spirit, set their minds on the things of the Spirit [His will and purpose].”
— Romans 8:5 AMP
And again, Jesus makes it intensely personal:
“The one who loves his life [eventually] loses it [through death], but the one who hates his life in this world [and is concerned with pleasing God] will keep it for life eternal.”
— John 12:25 AMP
Both verses deliver the same sobering truth:
If you cling to this life, you lose the next.
If you give up what can’t last, you gain what can never be taken.
The word “life” here isn’t just about physical existence — it refers to a way of living, a mindset, a system of values. And Jesus doesn’t pull punches. He says the one who loves his life in this world — the one who cherishes it, protects it, builds their identity around it — will eventually lose everything that matters. Not because God is cruel, but because the foundation was never eternal to begin with.
We weren’t created to be mastered by the world — but most of us are, in ways we barely notice. Not because we openly reject God, but because we gradually drift into allegiance with the flesh.
We start setting our minds — our focus, our hope, our energy — on things that seem normal:
Approval from others
Money and success
Control over outcomes
Appearances and reputation
Safety, comfort, and convenience
And before long, what once felt like small compromises become deeply entrenched patterns. The longer we feed the mindset of the flesh, the more numb we become to the voice of the Spirit. We’re busy. We’re achieving. We’re surviving. But deep down, we’re not free.
Jesus doesn’t call us to less life — He calls us to the kind of life that is deeply rooted, Spirit-led, and whole. Not the overstimulated, achievement-driven version our culture pushes. Not the anxious, performative version many of us settle into. And not the self-focused version built around personal comfort, control, or success. When Jesus invites us to lose our life, it’s not because He wants us to suffer — it’s because He knows we’re clinging to a version of life that can never satisfy. He said, “I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance — to the full, till it overflows” (John 10:10 AMP). That kind of life can’t be found through striving, performance, or control. It can only be received by surrender. The more we let go of the false life we’ve built, the more room there is for His Spirit to give us what we could never create on our own.
But Jesus doesn’t offer a life of quiet resignation. He offers something far better—something eternal, something unshakable. The kind of life that doesn’t depend on circumstances, performance, or outward success. It’s a life that flows from surrender, not striving. It’s marked by peace that isn’t tied to control and identity that isn’t shaped by the world’s standards.
To follow Him is to loosen your grip on the version of life you’ve built—the one formed by fear, ambition, or survival—and to receive the life you were created for. That’s not punishment. It’s grace. The invitation isn’t to give everything up so you can be left empty. It’s to lay down what was never going to satisfy you, so you can finally be filled with what will.
Jesus doesn’t call us to lose life for the sake of loss. He calls us to let go so we can gain what we could never earn on our own—true, abundant life in Him.
From a psychological standpoint, the “life that’s losing you” is often made up of the parts of you that were built in response to pain. These are the coping strategies and emotional patterns you developed to survive difficult experiences—especially ones involving trauma, neglect, rejection, or unmet emotional needs.
At the time, they likely felt necessary. They helped you feel safer, more in control, or more accepted. But over time, what once protected you starts to become what limits you.
You may find yourself working hard to manage how others see you. You might keep people at a distance emotionally or take on responsibilities that were never yours to carry. You might become highly independent, driven, or avoidant—not because you’re selfish, but because you learned that depending on others didn’t feel safe. You might struggle with overthinking, anxiety, people-pleasing, or emotional disconnection, not because you’re broken, but because these were the ways your nervous system tried to keep you from further harm.
In clinical language, this pattern of functioning is often referred to as the false self—a version of you that formed around survival, not truth. It’s who you had to become in order to navigate the world without the safety, connection, or affirmation your soul needed. And it worked, in many ways. It helped you succeed, stay safe, and stay in control.
But it also cost you something. It disconnected you from your true self—the part of you that is tender, open, grounded, and whole. The false self requires constant effort. It needs constant validation. It never fully rests, because it’s afraid of what might happen if you stop performing or protecting.
Eventually, this way of life becomes exhausting. You start to realize that you’ve been building a version of yourself that looks functional on the outside but feels hollow on the inside. That realization doesn’t always come with a crisis, but it often comes with a deep internal discomfort—a quiet awareness that something needs to change. That you’re not actually free.
This is often the turning point in trauma healing and identity work. It’s the moment when survival mode begins to feel like bondage. And it’s when the desire to live a more connected, authentic, Spirit-led life finally outweighs the fear of letting go.
From a clinical and spiritual perspective, this is the beginning of surrender. Not the passive kind, but the courageous kind—the kind that chooses to release what once felt safe in order to experience what is truly whole. It’s the willingness to ask hard questions, like: What is this life I’ve built actually costing me? and Is the way I’m living aligned with who God says I am?
When we begin to answer those questions honestly, healing becomes possible. Not because we’re strong enough to fix ourselves, but because we’ve stopped clinging to the version of life that’s quietly been losing us all along.
This kind of surrender doesn’t happen all at once. It happens as we begin to see clearly what we’ve been holding onto—and why. Often, we don’t cling to things because we’re rebellious. We cling because we’re scared. We’ve learned to rely on control, approval, performance, or independence to survive. But eventually, those strategies stop working. They wear us out. They create a version of life that feels secure on the surface, but shallow and disconnected underneath.
That’s why Jesus doesn’t shame us for clinging—He invites us to trust Him with what we’ve been afraid to release.
A good starting point is to ask yourself:
What have I been trying to protect or preserve?
What mindset or habit has been driving me lately—flesh or Spirit?
Is the way I’m living aligned with peace, or shaped by fear?
Setting your mind on the things of the Spirit doesn’t mean you float through life passively. It means you begin to intentionally align your inner world with God’s voice, His truth, and His values. You start to notice when anxiety is leading you, and you pause. You begin to challenge the belief that you have to prove your worth. You choose to pray before you perform. You listen before you react. You trust instead of control.
These aren’t just small behavior changes—they’re moments of internal surrender.
You don’t have to figure everything out today. You don’t need to fix your whole life overnight. But you do have a choice in this moment: to continue clinging to what’s familiar, or to begin loosening your grip and trusting that God’s way is better. One decision at a time, this is how surrender becomes your new way of life.
If you keep clinging to the life that’s losing you, you’ll never find the life that can free you.
Name It & Release It – 3-Minute Reset
Inhale deeply through your nose for a count of 4.
Name what you’ve been clinging to (silently or aloud).
“Control.” “Success.” “My image.” “Approval.”
Hold for 4 seconds.
Let the Spirit bring awareness without shame.
Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 6.
Release it into God’s hands.
“I let go. I surrender.”
Repeat for 3 cycles.
End with a whispered phrase:
“Jesus, I choose life in You.”
Father,
I confess how easily I chase the life the world offers — the life that promises fulfillment but leaves me weary and empty. I’ve clung to control, image, money, and approval as if they could save me. But they’ve only distracted me from the life You died to give me.
Today, I surrender what’s been holding me back. I release the flesh. I reject the false self. I choose to set my mind on the things of the Spirit.
Help me lose what needs to die, and live in what You’ve made new.
I trust You with the life I cannot keep… to find the one I cannot lose.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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Disabled combat veteran turned Kingdom builder. I write to equip others with truth, strategy, and the fire to live boldly for Christ. Every battle has a purpose. Every word here is for the ones who refuse to stay shallow.
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This blog and podcast are a reflection of my journey as a follower of Christ, a disabled combat veteran, and a lifelong seeker of personal growth, faith, and resilience. Through radical honesty and authentic conversations, I share my struggles, victories, and lessons learned in overcoming fear, trust issues, and self-doubt. My mission is to inspire, encourage, and empower others to live with faith, purpose, and intention—embracing challenges, breaking strongholds, and pursuing the life God has called us to live.